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15 Feb

5 Steps Of Practicing Self Love.

So many women secretly go through their lives believing there’s something wrong with them. I was one of those women: I thought I was different, whatever that meant. I assumed something must have happened in my past that kept me from believing in myself, and others, and that I was never good enough.

What I didn’t know was that these thoughts were not grounded in reality. These were things I told myself, and that I felt to be true in my heart. The unhappiness I felt, simply by being me, was something that my mind had created.

The truth was: I didn’t love myself. And I knew, to find happiness, that something had to change.

I know self-love has been spoken about so many times. I think we really have to ask ourselves why self love is so important for us to work on, though. And why do we feel the need to compare ourselves to others in the first place? Why do we want the things we don’t have and are upset when we can’t get them? Why do we so often think, Why me?

I used to ask myself these types of questions, constantly. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted answers then. Instead, I expected something external to change. When everything around me is perfect, then I would be happy, I thought.

But even as my external circumstances started to flourish—my studies, my career, my friendships, family, my romantic relationship, and having the opportunity to travel the world and share my passions and message—still, I realized I was unhappy.

What is missing in my life? I asked myself. Why don’t I feel like I’m reaching my goals? 

As I thought this, I stopped and told myself this unhappiness existed within me. That day, I took the first step to change my life and decided to consciously practice self love myself from that day on. I reached for a pen and wrote down the five ways I planned to do that:

1. Prioritize self-care.

Nourish yourself. Commit to healthy activities such as balanced nutrition, exercise, getting adequate sleep, play, and social interactions. When you show yourself love through these types of actions, you’ll continue to take better care of your basic needs. Don’t forget to do the things you love and to make time to do nothing at all. This sets the foundation for growth and living an authentic life.

2. Forgive yourself.
Every one of us makes mistakes: in relationships, finances, personal decisions, and so on. Mistakes can be costly reminders to think before we act, but they are also encompassed by greater lessons. A major deterrent to self-love is holding onto regrets or shame about these mistakes from the past.

We need to remind ourselves that nobody is perfect.  Finding a way to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made while committing to improving your behavior or living more closely to your values will help increase self love.

3. Set long-term goals.
Loving yourself is a process that you have to work on everyday. Make concrete goals for how you can accomplish this. Develop long-term plans for going towards what might inspire you. It may be related to work, or something new you want to learn.

Every month, I set realistic goals by writing them down on paper and putting them on the top of my bed. Give yourself credit for being openminded about where you might be headed—and don’t be afraid to try new things!

4. Stop comparing yourself to others. 

We’re all so beautiful and different. You’re you and there’s no one like you, truly. Anytime we think that we are ‘less than’ because others have things we do not have, or we think they are somehow ‘better’ than us, decreases self-love. When you start comparing yourself to others, try to remember that you don’t know everyone’s story. You can also use this exercise as an opportunity to learn yourself better.

For instance, if you’re feeling envious of someone who is successful and making more money than you, remind yourself that you might not know how this individual got to where they are. They may have made sacrifices to work harder, and longer. So if you want to be successful like this person is, remind yourself that you have to put the work in to achieve a similar position.

5. Surround yourself with positive people.

My mother always told me that, ‘You become the people you surround yourself with.’ I didn’t understand what she meant until I hit my 20s. When you’re wading through a constant wave of negativity in your social circle, it’s so much more difficult to be kind to yourself.

Ask yourself, are your friends open to treating themselves and others with love, compassion, respect, and dignity? If they’re not, it might be time to look for friends who might be more understanding and who can inspire you to have a positive outlook on life.

We don’t know what tomorrow has in store for us, so get out there and do the things that light your fire! Every today, enjoy being you, and enjoy your incredible life.

Be your own Valentine all year long; love yourself, and take care of yourself like you would a loved one. As you discover total self-love and compassion for yourself, you’ll begin to see all of the fun and amazing things that are coming your way. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Thanks For Reading

***Outfit Of The Day***

Top: Theory

Skirt: Alice + Olivia

Bag: Zara

Jewelries: limited edition Rose Gold & Diamond Fragrance Necklace.

Deddeh Howard
  • Miki

    Gorgeous maxi skirt! This is great advice. Sometimes I have a bad day and it’s so easy to fall into that trap of losing self love. Surrounding yourself with positive people is my number 1. I remember when I used to be around people who were so negative – it’s really draining. Life is short and we have to make the most of what we have in life. It’s much too short to be thinking negatively. Love your tips.


    February 18, 2017 at 8:41 pm Reply
  • Sharon Wu

    you are such a big inspiration to me Deddeh! thank you for reminding me of the importance of self-love. I couldn’t agree more with all the points you’ve made and I think that before loving anyone else it’s so important to love yourself first! I’m also a firm believer that you attract what you are, so it’s essential to be positive and spread those good vibes! great message as always 🙂 hope you had a wonderful valentine’s day and week! happy weekend xo, sharon


    February 18, 2017 at 9:54 pm Reply

    I absolutely love reading posts like this!! It is so inspiring and makes me think about how I view myself and if I do really love myself like I should. Thank you. <3


    February 19, 2017 at 12:59 am Reply
  • Atsuna Matsui

    Self-love is something that is really important and I think it’s something we learn to do as we figure out who we are and accept that. You’re truly such an inspiration and I love the positive message that your blog is always about. 🙂


    February 19, 2017 at 4:40 am Reply
  • Stephanie

    These are all such important tips to follow. I’ve struggled with self-love for my entire life, and really had a hard time with comparing myself to others. I always thought “if only I could be like so-and-so, I would be happy” but that’s not how it works. Once I’m just ME and happy with ME – that’s when I’ll be happy. And I’m finally getting to that point. So glad you shared this!!

    Stephanie // SheSawStyle.com

    February 19, 2017 at 7:24 pm Reply
  • Jo

    Yes, yes, yes – love this post! Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful message on self-love! I totally believe in the power of positive thinking and how being accepting of oneself can open so many doors that wouldn’t have seemed possible otherwise.

    xo, Jo

    February 20, 2017 at 1:16 am Reply
  • Linh dao

    Thank you for the reminder! It is so true that you need to love yourself! I believe once you’re able to do that you’ll be able to do more things! Such a great post babe! I’m glad to see you are loving yourself! You look amazing!


    February 20, 2017 at 2:23 am Reply
  • Yasmin

    Love that skirt and the necklace! Surrounding yourself with positive people is so key on your journey to self love. So is letting go of guilt. Great lessons to learn all around!

    xx Yasmin

    February 20, 2017 at 4:31 am Reply
  • rachel vogt

    Aww such a lovely post. I love love your outfit, it is so lovely and beautiful.
    xoxo, Rachel

    February 20, 2017 at 8:01 am Reply
  • Josie

    Love this skirt on you! Such a classic piece! I could not agree more with your words on self love! It’s the pillar of everything that can happen us! I struggle so bad with comparing myself to others but it’s a work in progress!

    Bisous, Josie

    February 20, 2017 at 10:29 am Reply
  • Thomas Falkenstedt

    Self care is the most important thing in our lives, yet one of the things we easily forget when we’re riding on the highway of life. However busy you are you should always take time for pampering yourself and doing what’s good for you! I loved your 5 steps of how to love oneself more and step 1 and 4 are the ones I really need to focus on. It’s so easy for me to negotiate away some self care just to work on whatever just a tad more. It doesn’t work that way though. You should always remember that you come first, no matter what.
    Thanks for all the reminders!


    February 20, 2017 at 3:48 pm Reply
  • Samantha Mariko

    I also try to follow the above steps as much as I can especially to forgive myself and to surround myself with positive people, and I think so far it’s helping! thank you for sharing your experiences and this wonderful advice 🙂

    February 20, 2017 at 5:26 pm Reply
  • Christine Kong

    Self love is so crucial to find happiness and I totally agree it starts with you. I love the five ways to find self love that you noted and all of them are so true. You are beautiful inside and out. I love the lighting in these photos and the gorgeous pleated skirt. Thank you for sharing this amazing and inspirational post. Everyone should read this and practice these things for themselves. Xoxo, Christine

    February 20, 2017 at 10:23 pm Reply
  • Candace

    I have definitely learned to surround myself with positive people. People who are always miserable more than likely always will be and will never truly be happy for me, which believe me, I have learned. These tips are so helpful and they definitely will motivate me to love and cherish myself more!


    February 21, 2017 at 3:58 am Reply
  • Jordan Chapman

    Self love is one of the hardest things to come by, but these are great tips!
    Jordan xx

    February 22, 2017 at 11:10 pm Reply
  • Bernice

    Great tips! So true, we can have the whole world but if we don’t love ourselves than we’ll never be happy.

    February 23, 2017 at 1:39 pm Reply
  • marcy

    LOVE the self love tip babe!!! Really love reading this post and thanks for all the advices.
    You maxi skirt is stunning and you look fab in all the pics.


    March 15, 2017 at 10:52 am Reply
  • Marshalee

    I truly think self love will make you less worried about what others think. It’s when we love ourselfs with all our flaws and all thats when we will really find happiness inside. Whether life is florishing or at a stand still, we always over come and get better but self love creates the peace we need within.

    December 31, 2017 at 2:34 pm Reply

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